How to cope with Holiday Relationship Challenges

Parents‘Nobody’s perfect’, my dear Uncle once said to me with his famous grin. ‘But some of us are much closer to perfection than the rest!’ I loved his sense of humour but he had a point. It’s easy to forget that we’re all human and that means that we’re all subject to the countless imperfections, doubts and fears and foibles that can make us difficult to live with.

Holidays and Relationships are the perfect place to reveal how our idiosyncracies can impact on the people around us and most of the arguments and conflicts that arise between two people are a product of the underlying fears that drive many of our behaviours. All negative reactions flow from our fears. So how do we learn to tame these unpleasant and destructive reactions? It might be easier than you think.
When you feel irritated or annoyed, it’s incredibly helpful to ask yourself what you’re afraid of. This is a very powerful habit to adopt and an effective means to disarm the cycle of anger and arguments that can flare up so easily between two people when they share their lives in close proximity. All anger is an extension of your fear. Reveal the underlying fear and the anger evaporates. It’s as simple as that. If the root of our negative reactions can always be traced to an underlying fear, all we need to do is follow the question ‘What am I really afraid of here?’ and see where the answer leads us. Fear is for the most part a very potent illusion. It is fueled by our emotional energy. When we cut off the fuel supply, it disappears. In a heartbeat.

coverSo, rather than endure the constant strain of conflict and unhappiness that sometimes dominates the holiday season, and too many relationships, let’s disarm the source of our anxieties and frustrations and learn to see ourselves and the people around us through the light of inner peace an calm. It’s one of the simplest yet most effective ways to transform your relationships. Take away the anger and learn to experience a completely new level of communication with yourself and with your loved ones. You all deserve the sustaining nourishment of love and acceptance rather than the toxic intrusion of your fear.

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Wealth Blog

IMG_3007Is there a connection between the way we feel towards money and our ability to create and enjoy wealth in our lives? It’s an intriguing question because there are thousands of books and manuals on the subject of how to make money and they generally assume that you’re already totally prepared to do whatever it takes to become wealthier. But very few of them pay any attention to the role of our attitudes in the great game of generating more wealth for ourselves and those who depend on us for their well being. Attitude, however, is more important than you might initially appreciate.

When you embark on any project to enhance your material standing and well being, you begin with a clearly defined set of goals. Even at this primary phase of your plan, your attitude will reveal its influences. For example, you might feel more comfortable aiming for an objective that is far beneath your potential for success. Or you might not take your goals seriously enough to follow them through to completion. And you notice that I used the word ‘feel’ a couple of sentences back. That was completely intentional because our attitudes most often express themselves through our feelings. Attitude is most easily understood as an emotional state that supports the way we interpret the world around us and how we connect to those impressions. When we develop a robust and positive Trilogy 13th november from amazonemotional framework towards the possibilities that exist in our lives, we influence the way our brains function and we change the way we perceive some of the data that flows into our senses. We begin to notice things that might have been ignored by the highly efficient filtration system that the kind employs to avoid being overwhelmed by the millions of bits of data that bombard our senses every single second. A positive attitude tunes our senses to the specific details that can enhance our plans and goals. Setbacks no longer determine the eventual outcome of our dreams and aspirations. We remain focused on our goals and encourage the positive attitude of expectation that identifies the myriad opportunities that move us ever closer to our chosen destination. And a positive attitude is the key to that powerful shift in perceptual awareness. In many ways, it’s the essential, missing link in so many plans for success. So take the greatest possible care of your attitude and turn it every single day towards the accomplishment of all of your goals. The attitude of success places an enormous advantage on your side. Don’t leave home without it!

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Resilience

images (3)There’s a very popular segment on You Tube that discusses the 40% Rule and explains that when you think you’ve reached your maximum point of endurance in any endeavour, you’re only aproaching the 40% mark of your real potential. That’s an astonishing revelation and it has been amply demonstrated by Navy SEALs whose training encourages them to go far beyond the limits of what we might believe is possible. Marathon runners expect to hit ‘the wall’ anywhere between the sixteen and twenty mile point in the race and yet they train themselves to go beyond that barrier and reach their destination. That incredible potential for breaking beyond the 40% limit that often defines where we would like to stop or quit is a superb faculty for each of us to develop. It’s a fabulously rich resource to tap into.

Resilience is a very powerful resource to deploy in any situation and it’s one of the strengths that each of us can develop to help us overcome our limitations. That often means developing a strong belief system that will carry us through the criticism and negativity that inevitably accompanies our attempts to reach further on our life’s chosen pathway. When you practise the discipline of believing in yourself and in your ability to reach your goals, you move closer to that truly fulfilling stage of becoming unstoppable. But first, you need to decide what it is you really want.

images (4)For most people, life seems to happen as a series of events over which they feel they have very little control. That attitude encourages a tendency to drift along, sometimes hoping for something better, but often simply underlining a sense of resignation. If you want to exercise greater control over your life, you need a sene of purpose and that’s where goals can play a massive role in shaping your future destiny. Because goals give purpose to life. This is your starting point. Choose precisely what you want. Describe your dream or goal in detail. Get excited about it. Now set a date when you intend to achieve that goal. Be precise. Set the time on the exact day when you intend to hit your target. And write it all down. Now you have a goal and your life is about to change.

But none of us should feel that we need to break free of our limitations on our own. We all benefit from a support team that we can turn to, a group of close friends or family who won’t let you quit when the going gets tough. A mentor who will offer you advice and encouragement and the unquestioning belief in your power to get wherever you choose to go. A partner perhaps who looks at you and only sees a winner. This is the kind of support that surrounds you with an air of invincibility and keeps you focused on your dreams. Your personal support team accepts your word and holds you to account in fulfilling your potential. They’re right behind you so they’ll never accept any excuses you might want to make for quitting.

The process of becoming unstoppable, becoming more resilient, more powerfully anchored in the beauty of your chosen goals will certainly produce changes in your life. It will also produce changes in you and that’s one of the unexpected benefits that shows up as you embrace the process of becoming a more powerful version of yourself. We can learn to welcome change. It’s a sign of progress. After all, if everything stays exactly the same as it is right now, how can things get better? Change is natural and it can work very much to your advantage. Ultimately, that’s what change is for.

Cover pageIt’s a sad fact that many people turn away from the whole concept of goal-setting because they’re afraid to fail. So they avoid all risk of failure by never trying in the first place. Allow me to share a very important insight with you: just in case you didn’t know it, failure is a perfectly normal part of everyone’s life. So now you know! Embrace it. Celebrate it. Failure is the proof that you’re trying! And just because you fail doesn’t have anything to do with your willingness to keep working towards your goal. That’s what resilience is all about. That’s why the feeling of being unstoppable is so important. Yes, you’ll fail. But you’ll keep on going until you reach your goal. And whilst you’re busily preparing to reach your destination, remember to enjoy the journey. Smile. Laugh often. Celebrate your good fortune because you’re one of the few who has a clearly defined goal and the resilience to get there. Congratulations!

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The Power of Regular Savings

IMG_3013One of the earliest lessons imparted to me by a very demanding mentor was the importance of compound interest. I know. Not the most exciting topic on the wealth creation agenda! In fact it had always struck me as a mind-numbingly boring and lifeless subject until one of my mentors patiently took the time to explain the effects of saving a modest sum every week and letting time do its work on the accumulated capital and interest. The results were truly astonishing. And that’s because the time frame really does make a very important contribution to the effects of saving on a regular basis. The interest applies to the amount saved as well as to the amount that’s added every month as interest. It’s a major revelation to discover how powerful this simple mechanism can be when applied to a simple savings plan and that leads me to the second piece of advice that was imparted to me by my mentor. Savings come before expenditure. Again, it’s a ridiculously simple concept but the reality is that most people spend first and only consider saving whatever’s left over. In most cases, that amounts to precisely nothing! The better way of generating long term wealth is to set aside a sum every week or month and make it the basis of a regular savings strategy. And something, even a very modest sum, is always better than nothing. Having put aside an amount for savings, you’re then free to dispose of the rest of your hard-earned cash in whatever way makes sense to you.

IMG_3580I met a man nearly twenty-five years ago who had accumulated over a million pounds in cash using this method so don’t underestimate the power of regular savings and the wondrous effects of compound interest. It reminds me of the legendary footballer, Mr George Best, who was once asked by an interviewer what he’d spent his considerable fortune on. He replied that he’d spent his money on wine, women and song. The rest, he said, he’d just squandered.

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